I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
