Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize