Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
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