dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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