I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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