My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
