i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
