If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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