Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
