did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
