im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
