Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
