Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
