oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
His hands were made for my vagina.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
