the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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