Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
