what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
