Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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