Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
