Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
