There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
