was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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