I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
