Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can you bring me the toilet please
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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