Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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