There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I need moral support for this bender
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
