Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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