There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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