Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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