is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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