I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
