Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
