dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just forgot I was standing up.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
