No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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