I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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