I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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