I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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