i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
