Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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