is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
