I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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