im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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