Barsexuality is the new black.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
