he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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