He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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