I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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