I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
