dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
