Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
