____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
