i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
