Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
