My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
