Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
