Whats the glycemic index on semen?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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