Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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