I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
