I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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