My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
