Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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