I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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