Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
