she kept yelling 'call me bella'
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
