You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
two words...techno handjob
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
