Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
